One of the things I dislike most about myself is that I tend to be a negative person. Even when I’m actively trying to be positive, I’m still negative. I’m starting to wonder if that’s something that I can actually change, or if it’s simply just who I am. I do have moments of positivity. I’m trying to have more and to make sure I’m grateful for everything that I do have. Even though I tend to be negative, I’m usually pretty good at being grateful.
I’ve had more lies thrown at me this past month and a half than I have in my entire life. I was pretty lucky as a kid in the fact that I was never really bullied. I never really had any enemies. I’ve had a pretty peaceful, content life up until about six weeks ago. I’m not used to being falsely accused of things and I’m not used to people saying lies about me. It has been one of the most surreal experiences of my life.
I think the craziest thing is what people are willing to lie about. It doesn’t matter if you can prove the lie to be false, it was still said. It was still accused. It was still filed in a report somewhere to exist now until the end of time. No amount of truth can unsay a lie. I think that’s the craziest part of all this. The truth doesn’t always matter. The truth doesn’t always win. It should, but sometimes it doesn’t.
What makes it even worse is when the lies come from someone that you used to trust with all your heart. Being stabbed in the back by an ex lover/ex best friend is the hardest thing to come to terms with. As much as my heart wants to believe that there is no way this person could do this to me, my brain knows better. Memories are just memories and the past is the past. Time changes people and, unfortunately, sometimes it’s not for the better.
However, it’s during these super low times that it’s clear to see who your true friends are and who truly will support you no matter what. I am beyond grateful that I have coworkers who’ve had my back since day one. My family never believed a single lie and I’m fortunate for that. Amazingly, my boyfriend has stuck by my side and has been my biggest supporter. I think a lot of people would have left. I carry a lot of baggage now. Neither of us asked for this, and I’m grateful that all the lies and drama haven’t been able to end the best relationship I’ve ever been in.
How do you thank the people that have given you the strength to just keep taking it day-by-day? I haven’t been able to think of a way yet. They have given me the strength to keep fighting and the courage I need to not back down. They have been my umbrella in the rain, making sure I don’t get drenched with bullshit and corruption. I don’t know how I can ever repay them.
I am so beyond grateful for all the amazing people I have in my life. I hope I can help someone else as much as so many people have helped me. This battle is far from over, but I know with my support system I will be able to handle whatever comes my way.
Thank you
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