Just don’t let it get to you. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard that in my life. Especially more so in the last couple months. I know I’m an emotional person and sometimes my emotions trump my logical side, but telling me to just not let it get to me isn’t helpful. Trust me, I know. If it were that simple I would do it. Even though it seems like I’m not trying, I truly am. It’s fucking difficult.
I’ve never had someone say so many lies about me and cause me so much drama and stress. It doesn’t help that this person has a very big impact on what matters most to me in the world: my kids. Going from a peaceful, drama-free life to a stressful, chaotic life almost overnight has been almost impossible to bear. I never thought someone else’s lies could impact my life so greatly.
With so many awful things going on/being said, I’m allowed to feel frustrated. I’m allowed to be fucking pissed off and angry. If I don’t accept and work through these emotions, they will eat my alive. I don’t believe “not letting it get to me” is the answer. I have to figure out what to do with my frustration, anger, and stress. I have to use those emotions in a positive way.
I am going to figure all this out. I am going to get my life back on track and try to get back to what my “normal” life used to be. After having so many lies said about yourself though, it’s hard to imagine going back to how things were before. I am not that same person I was just a few short months ago. He robbed me of an innocence that I can never get back no matter how hard I try. I didn’t ask for any of this. I didn’t deserve any of this. I wasn’t prepared to handle any of this.
I am a caring girlfriend. I am a loving mother. I am a resilient woman. I will not let this stuff break me. I’m doing the best I can. Even on the days it seems like I’m not trying, I truly am. It gets to me. I don’t think it ever won’t get to me. That isn’t a bad thing though. Being emotional isn’t a bad thing. It just requires more work to handle/process those emotions in a positive way. I’ll figure it out though. I always do.
mysporadicthoughts.com 